LEONA LEWIS FINAL FANTASY 13 CAMPAIGN
SHAME on whoever put this Leona Lewis / Final Fantasy 13 ad campaign together - 1m12s of the most cringeworthy footage we’ve ever seen.
Leona doesn’t exactly make for the most convincing gamer but tries to sell us this one with such classic lines as:
‘the graphics are insane‘
‘I just wanted to – like – run around the land all day‘
‘The strong female protagonist struck a chord with me and I can’t wait to see Lightning do her thing‘
WTF!?
Dear Leona – singing is your talent – stick to it. Walking, dancing and (especially) speaking are all completely off limits given your inability to do any of them in a smooth or credible way!
NEW LEONA LEWIS PHOTOSHOOT
Internet forums are buzzing with people asking whether Leona Lewis has been airbrushed to look whiter in this photo for Grazia magazine.
Airbrushed to look HORRENDOUS more like!
LEONA REVEALS HER PRIVILEGED UPBRINGING
In an interview with Viva TV broadcast this week, Leona Lewis revealed her love of horses and showjumping, apparently hobbies of hers since she was ‘very young’.
Is it just us or is this a far cry from the ‘tough east-end upbringing’ that we were previously led to believe she had endured – particularly when it was rammed down our throats during her stint on X Factor. We’re not sure there would have been quite so many sympathy votes had the public been aware of her childhood ponies!
Check out the horsey talk from 8m20 onwards. Our advice would be to skip straight to it, anyone who tries to sit through this interview from the start is unlikely to be awake for long.
Try not to laugh when she reveals her next project is to create a ‘range of clothing for vegetarians.’
LEONA’S CAREER TAKES A NOSEDIVE IN THE US
Ryan Tedder, the world’s most delusional in demand song writer, came out this week fighting on behalf Happy, the song he wrote for Leona Lewis as the lead single from her second album.
The song absolutely bombed in the US when released in November, as did the album Echo. Tedder thinks he can explain why, saying:
“I know exactly why and I actually told the label what was going to happen. In the US, unless you’re Justin Timberlake or Beyoncé, you cannot put out a song and not be in the country when it comes out.”
We’ll give him that, but we also have a few better ideas of our own to explain the lack of success:
1. Leona is more boring than an afternoon of watching paint dry and the media have lost all interest in her.
2. The US market hasn’t yet forgiven her for that CRINGEWORTHY performance opposite Chase Crawford in the video for her previous single, I Will Be.
3. Happy sounds like a rip-off of everything else Tedder has written in the past 2 years – but not quite as good. We’ve had Leona’s Bleeding Love, Kelly Clarkson’s Already Gone, Beyonce’s Halo – all written by him and sounding pretty much like the same song to us.
Of course he doesn’t quite see it that like that – in fact he’s absolutely full of himself, spouting:
“I had radio stations telling me that they thought ‘Happy’ was the single biggest ballad they’d come across in ten years.“
Sure they did Ryan. That’s why they were falling over themselves to play it – NOT.
THE PRESSURES OF BEING LEONA’S “DOUBLE”
In what might be the funniest thing we’ve read all year, the Daily Mail has run a story about a desperate attention seeker who claims that being Leona Lewis’s ‘double’ is ruining her life.
Sasha Gordon, a London retail assistant, finds herself ‘mobbed’ and ‘pestered for autographs’ wherever she goes.
Things have gotten so bad that her boyfriend of 5 years has left her and she’s struggling to find a permanent job as potential employers are concerned her ‘looks’ would be a distraction.
Now we might have some sympathy for this girl – IF SHE LOOKED ANYTHING LIKE LEONA!!
We can fully understand that potential employers may see her looks as a distraction, but probably not for the same reasons as she thinks.
Leona Lewis lookalike? We don’t see it. Bad Leona Drag Queen? Now that we do get.
And if there were any truth in this story, we’d have a very simple solution for Sasha – CUT YOUR HAIR AND STOP COPYING HER OUTFITS!
Follow us on Twitter by adding @RumerMills
BLACK EYED PEAS TAKE THE LEAD
With one day left to go, the most exciting singles chart battle of the year in the UK is really hotting up. Our sources tell us that the Black Eyed Peas have nudged into the lead with Meet Me Halfway, leaving Leona around 2,000 copies behind.
Leona better pull something out of the bag – given the amount of money that’s been spent on this record she’ll be far from ‘Happy’ with the number 2 slot!
The UK charts could be the least of Leona’s worries though. In the US, by far her most important market, ‘Happy’ entered the Billboard chart at number 50, before plummeting to number 98. It has rebounded slightly this week at number 68, but all in all this is a shocking performance.
Don’t be surprised if Leona’s on the next jet bound for New York to promo-whore herself around any TV or Radio station that will have her!
Follow RumerMills on Twitter by adding @RumerMills
LEONA’S FIRST CONCERT
We spent tonight at Leona Lewis’s first ever concert, which took place at the Hackney Empire in London. We can pretty much sum up our thoughts as:
Voice: 10/10 – Note Perfect.
Stage Walk: 2/10 – Cart Horse in Stilettos
Dancing: 1/10 – Cringe!!
Personality: 0/10 – Completely Vacant.
While we can’t fault Leona’s voice, the show was completely underwhelming. She sang for just under an hour, with Bleeding Love, Better in Time, new song I Got You and encore Run being the highlights. The show was generally good until the times where Leona attempted to walk, dance or speak, at which point she looked very awkward and completely uncoordinated. She needs to work on these areas before embarking on her arena tour in a few months’ time otherwise she’ll never be taken seriously as a long-term artist, despite how good her voice may be.
The best thing about the night was the aftershow party held at the roof-top pool of super trendy members’ club Shoreditch House. The champagne and canapes were to die for, although we were a little disappointed that not a single celebrity (other than Leona herself) showed up to the event… Surely her mentor Simon Cowell could have called in a few favours from his fame-whore mates like Kate Moss or Katie Price? Well perhaps they would have had he bothered to show up at the party himself!
LEONA ON THE DIFFICULTIES OF FAME
At RumerMills we cannot STAND a celebrity who moans about how difficult life is in the spotlight, so you can imagine how irritated we were to read Leona Lewis’s latest interview about how fame has taken a “cruel toll” on her life. Leona dear, it’s very simple. If you don’t want to be famous anymore then all you have to do is hand back the free designer dresses, decline the invitations to the A list parties and premieres, refuse the exotic promotional trips, hand back your multi-million dollar record advance and head back to your job as a receptionist in East London. Then tell us how difficult life is!
Read the full interview here.
SPARE US THE BOREDOM
Leona’s PR people are scraping the barrel when it comes to generating publicity for her new album, Echo, scheduled for release on November 16th. Today we get some wooly story about how she refused to kiss Gossip Girl hottie Chace Crawford when filming the video for her 2008 single I Will Be. As if! Chace gets to spend his working days with the super hot Leighton Meester and ultra sexy Blake Lively, so we’re sure he wasn’t putting the offers out to Leona only to be rejected!
Leona’s people need to realise that the only thing that will ever be interesting about her was the slap she took at that book signing last week. We suggest you focus on the voice and not on the lack of personality!.
We are however thankful for the reminder of the masterpiece that was the I Will Be video. Leona’s acting performance at the beginning was more wooden than the average tree, so much so that it still makes us laugh out loud. Enjoy below…
.
LEONA’S NEW VIDEO (YAWN)
Another day, another attempt by Leona’s people to make her interesting. We’ve got to admit that we love her voice and that some of her past singles and performances have been outstanding, but she has all the personality of a corpse and the music videos to match. This time they’ve gone for the “Leona the backstabbing bridesmaid bitch that has a raunchy affair with her best friend’s man” theme. We don’t buy it though we have to hand it to them for having her slapped around the bookstore last week – genius PR!
We’re not yet sure how Leona’s career is going to go. Happy is an OK song, but it’s really just more of the same from her last album. Does anyone care? We hear her record company is facing an uphill battle, particularly as she’s fast gaining a reputation in the media industry for being the most difficult person in music to work with – just ask some of our friends in Asia. Some journalists booked to interview her were recently told that Leona doesn’t DO talking on the day of a performance…
That attitude is all fine and well when you’re in demand, but we’re sure she’ll soon learn how to talk and sing on the same day when her career hits the skids!
