NEW JOB FOR RACHEL UCHITEL
Celebrity whore Rachel Uchitel has landed herself a new gig on the E! Channel. This week Tiger’s most famous mistress reached the dizzying heights of interviewing star of reality TV show the Bachelor, Jake Pavelka.
We’re sorry, but sending Rachel Uchitel to interview a single man – isn’t that like sending an alcoholic to interview a bottle of vodka?
RACHEL UCHITEL SPENDS THE HOLIDAYS IN FLORIDA
Tiger Woods’ no.1 mistress Rachel Uchitel was spotted yesterday in Palm Beach, Florida, doing what she does best – whoring herself for publicity.
The staged candid shots are said to have been taken by a paparazzo who ’stumbled’ across the celebrity whore as she spent some time by the sea frolicking with her dog. Translation: Rachel cut a 50/50 deal with a low life pap to stage some nearly naked shots to keep her greedy little face in the tabloids for yet another day.
It’s been reported that the 34 year old club hostess is keen to keep her celebrity value high as she’s about to cut deals to reveal all on Oprah, then reveal even more for Playboy. Apparently she’s been offered seven figure sums by both, which is potentially the most money a woman has ever earned from having sex – we’re talking figures that the best Hollywood madams could only dream of earning in a lifetime.
We do have to congratulate Rachel on finally finding a bikini that keeps her tucked in – certainly a vast improvement on the horrendous camel toe she displayed while frolicking on the beach with Stephen Dorff a few years back.
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RACHEL CONTINUES TO DENY THE AFFAIR
The NY Post has printed a statement by Rachel Uchitel in which she emphatically denies having an affair with Tiger Woods. We have to say that having read such a compelling statement we’re now inclined to believe her. In Rachel’s words:
“I work in clubs and I am a businesswoman. I do not have sex with celebrities, and I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods.”
Rachel has chosen a career in which she gets to spend much of her time with celebrities, and from the huge number of pictures we’ve seen of her with a variety of famous guys we’re convinced that she is the attention seeking fame-whore we suspected. But as for this affair with Tiger, would she really deny it so strongly if it weren’t true? We know Rachel’s type and if there was even a glimmer of truth in this story she’d be spinning it out for weeks.
In many ways we’re starting to quite like her, not least because of the venom in this statement she issued regarding Ashley Sampson, the ‘friend’ who leaked the story of the affair to the press:
“[She] is just looking for a payday because she is a f- – -ing hooker and wants money. She just got a little smart for once and put some things together she could use for a story.”
Bitchy!
Perhaps then it’s time to lay off accusing Rachel of wrecking Tiger Woods’ marriage. Besides, there are many other areas of her life that fascinate us – not least this picture of her canoodling with Stephen Dorff, the has-been actor whose most notable role in the past 5 years was rescuing Britney from a bath in her video for Everytime (quick – someone call the Oscar committee!).
Anyway, back to Rachel – isn’t this the most astounding camel toe ever seen!?
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RACHEL UCHITEL TOUCHES DOWN IN LA
Despite the National Enquirer repeating their claims that Tiger Woods’ altercation with his wife this week was brought on by him having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, the alleged mistress is strongly denying the relationship. The Enquirer’s main source appears to be Ashley Sampson, a close friend of Uchitel who is claiming that she confided in her about the affair. Rachel responded yesterday by saying that Ashley is lying in order to earn a $25,000 payment for her story from the Enquirer. Lying or not, Ashley wins herself a place on our Z-list for managing to weasel her way into a role in the celebrity drama of the year.
Rachel has reportedly also said that she doesn’t even know Ashley. Funny then that the two of them are pictured on the cover of the Enquirer looking like BFF’s.
Whether the allegations are true or not we’d suggest that the best way for Rachel to get through the scandal would be to take a vacation to a secluded island while the media storm passes by. But no, instead this fame-whore extraordinaire left her Manhattan home yesterday to catch the first available flight to LA, the city with more paparazzi per square mile than perhaps any other on Earth. There appears to be no end to this woman’s lust for attention.
Upon arriving in LA Rachel immediately retained the services of Gloria Allred, a top lawyer specialising in womens’ rights. If we had any faith left in humanity we might assume that the purpose of hooking up with the notorious lawyer is to defend herself against the scandalous accusations. As we don’t, we’re more inclined to believe that the main motivation behind securing Gloria’s services is to further fuel the speculation and guarantee another day’s worth of headlines. Either that or to help secure a seven figure sum for her story.
As we reported in our article yesterday, Rachel’s life over the past 8 years has been fascinating. She is after all the woman who used 9/11 as a platform for launching herself onto the New York socialite scene. In her ascent to the top she’s been linked to a string of famous men and, as if the story couldn’t get any crazier, today we learned that her home in New York’s Meatpacking District is none other than that used in the movie Fatal Attraction by the character of Alex, the bunny boiling mistress played by Glen Close.
You really couldn’t make this stuff up!
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INTRODUCING RACHEL UCHITEL: FROM 9/11 VICTIM TO CELEBRITY SEX TOY
Tiger Woods with wife Elin Nordegren
The story of Tiger Woods‘ car crash this week is very odd. Initial reports suggested he’d innocently driven into a fire hydrant at the bottom of his drive, but we’re now hearing that he was found with facial lacerations that were more consistent with an attack, and that his Swedish model wife Elin Nordegren was on the scene and had smashed in his car windows with a golf club – apparently to rescue him. The facts of the case are not yet clear, but all clues are starting to point to a domestic incident and the internet is awash with rumours that the reason may have been an affair Tiger was allegedly having with NY socialite Rachel Uchitel.
Rachel Uchitel: Distraught on 9/11
Rachel wasn’t on our radar until this week but having done our research she jumps immediately onto our B list for being perhaps the most talented social climber of our lifetime. Her curious story begins on 9/11, when she lost fiance Andy O’Grady in the Twin Tower attacks and became something of a celebrity following the publication of a photograph of her looking distraught as she searched for him. Rachel appears to have used the resulting media attention as a platform for launching herself onto the New York party circuit, finding that a glamorous make-over and suggestions of a few C-List notches on her bedpost were all it took to gatecrash the socialite scene.
Rachel Uchitel: Famewhore
Rachel has undergone something of a transformation since 2001 and is practically un-recognisable from the 9/11 photo that launched her. Following a four month marriage to Wall Street Trader Steve Ehrenkranz in 2004, she’s been linked to a string of men including nightclub entrepreneur Jason Strauss and Bones actor David Boreanz. Most recently there were rumours of an affair with Tiger, fuelled by her staying at the same Melbourne hotel as him during the Australian Open. We wouldn’t be surprised if poor Tiger is completely innocent and this crazed attention-seeker set the whole thing up!
One thing is for sure, this sort of scandal is exactly what Rachel needed to move from the fringes of celebrity slap bang into the pages of every gossip column in the world. Hats off to her for a job very well done.
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