Date: December 1st, 2009

RACHEL CONTINUES TO DENY THE AFFAIR

Rachel Uchitel

The NY Post has printed a statement by Rachel Uchitel in which she emphatically denies having an affair with Tiger Woods. We have to say that having read such a compelling statement we’re now inclined to believe her. In Rachel’s words:

I work in clubs and I am a businesswoman. I do not have sex with celebrities, and I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods.”

Rachel has chosen a career in which she gets to spend much of her time with celebrities, and from the huge number of pictures we’ve seen of her with a variety of famous guys we’re convinced that she is the attention seeking fame-whore we suspected. But as for this affair with Tiger, would she really deny it so strongly if it weren’t true? We know Rachel’s type and if there was even a glimmer of truth in this story she’d be spinning it out for weeks.

In many ways we’re starting to quite like her, not least because of the venom in this statement she issued regarding Ashley Sampson, the ‘friend’ who leaked the story of the affair to the press:

[She] is just looking for a payday because she is a f- – -ing hooker and wants money. She just got a little smart for once and put some things together she could use for a story.”

Bitchy!

Perhaps then it’s time to lay off accusing Rachel of wrecking Tiger Woods’ marriage. Besides, there are many other areas of her life that fascinate us – not least this picture of her canoodling with Stephen Dorff, the has-been actor whose most notable role in the past 5 years was rescuing Britney from a bath in her video for Everytime (quick – someone call the Oscar committee!).

Anyway, back to Rachel – isn’t this the most astounding camel toe ever seen!?

Rachel Uchitel

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Date: November 30th, 2009

RACHEL UCHITEL TOUCHES DOWN IN LA

Rachel Uchitel

Despite the National Enquirer repeating their claims that Tiger Woods’ altercation with his wife this week was brought on by him having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, the alleged mistress is strongly denying the relationship. The Enquirer’s main source appears to be Ashley Sampson, a close friend of Uchitel who is claiming that she confided in her about the affair. Rachel responded yesterday by saying that Ashley is lying in order to earn a $25,000 payment for her story from the Enquirer. Lying or not, Ashley wins herself a place on our Z-list for managing to weasel her way into a role in the celebrity drama of the year.

Rachel has reportedly also said that she doesn’t even know Ashley. Funny then that the two of them are pictured on the cover of the Enquirer looking like BFF’s.

Ashley+Sampson

Whether the allegations are true or not we’d suggest that the best way for Rachel to get through the scandal would be to take a vacation to a secluded island while the media storm passes by. But no, instead this fame-whore extraordinaire left her Manhattan home yesterday to catch the first available flight to LA, the city with more paparazzi per square mile than perhaps any other on Earth. There appears to be no end to this woman’s lust for attention.

Upon arriving in LA Rachel immediately retained the services of Gloria Allred, a top lawyer specialising in womens’ rights. If we had any faith left in humanity we might assume that the purpose of hooking up with the notorious lawyer is to defend herself against the scandalous accusations. As we don’t, we’re more inclined to believe that the main motivation behind securing Gloria’s services is to further fuel the speculation and guarantee another day’s worth of headlines. Either that or to help secure a seven figure sum for her story.

As we reported in our article yesterday, Rachel’s life over the past 8 years has been fascinating. She is after all the woman who used 9/11 as a platform for launching herself onto the New York socialite scene. In her ascent to the top she’s been linked to a string of famous men and, as if the story couldn’t get any crazier, today we learned that her home in New York’s Meatpacking District is none other than that used in the movie Fatal Attraction by the character of Alex, the bunny boiling mistress played by Glen Close.

You really couldn’t make this stuff up!

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Ashley Sampson