Date: February 19th, 2010

CHERYL STEPS OUT IN LA

On the day it was revealed that the blonde whore secretary Ashley Cole’s been sleeping with is Vicky Gough, a 30 year old who works for rival football team Liverpool FC, his ’fragile’ wife Cheryl was spotted in LA having dinner at Katsuya.

So ‘fragile’ indeed that she managed to slip into a cocktail dress and head out to the hottest celebrity restaurant in LA! Guess she was trying to avoid the paparazzi then…

As for the secretary, we are slightly surprised by Ashley’s taste in ‘women’  - on first sight we thought this was a drag queen, though we certainly wouldn’t put that past him.

Meanwhile newspapers are now reporting that Cheryl’s house has been ‘targetted by thieves’ while she’s been in LA. What a coincidence! The media campaign to generate sympathy and return Mrs Cole to ‘nation’s sweetheart’ status is starting to get ridiculous…

Date: January 28th, 2010

KATE MOSS GOES TOPLESS FOR BIZARRE PHOTOSHOOT

British Fashion Awards - Press Room

Heatworld has a video of a half-naked Kate Moss dancing around at a photo-shoot. It’s not funny, it’s not clever. It’s just… sad really.

Dear Kate - You’re somebody’s mother. Put your tits back in their padded bra and act your age!

Check it out here.

Date: January 21st, 2010

TORI SPELLING’S BATHROOM TREASURES

In an episode of reality show Tori & Dean screened this week it was confirmed that Tori Spelling’s indecency knows no bounds when nude photos of her were spotted hanging on her bathroom walls – that’s the same bathroom where her kids have to clean themselves and brush their teeth.

In the pictures we see a pregnant Tori being groped from behind by husband Dean, and separately grabbing her bare buttocks.

Those poor kids can scrub away ’til their little hearts are content but there’s no way they’ll ever feel clean with these vile pictures of their ho’ bag mother in full view! She should be ashamed of herself.

Date: January 19th, 2010

MO’NIQUE AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES

Larger than life actress Mo’Nique showed up on the red carpet at the Golden Globes showing off the hairiest legs we’ve ever seen on a woman. While we’d love to be big enough to say how progressive this is and what a trooper she is in standing up for women’s rights, this picture almost caused us to lose our breakfast and left us feeling nauseous all day. We’re not impressed.

The Golden Globes panel clearly have no sense of common decency and awarded her with Best Supporting Actress for her role as an abusive mother in Mariah Carey’s new movie, Precious.

She may have performed well in the movie, but after committing this crime against good taste we hope she never works again!

Date: January 16th, 2010

SURPRISING HOOK UP AT THE CRITICS’ CHOICE AWARDS

15th Annual Critics' Choice Movie Awards - Show

Meryl Streep and Sandra Bullock tried to pull a “Britney & Madonna” by locking lips at the Critics’ Choice Awards in Hollywood last night. Sadly they ended up looking like a pair of senile old women trying to locate each other’s false teeth. The act may have been in jest but still they need to realise that lesbo kissing for attention will only ever be gross unless one of the participants is under 30 and the other isn’t yet drawing her pension.

The pair found themselves on stage together after tying for the award for Best Actress – Streep for her role as Julia Child in Julie and Julia, and Bullock for her role in the Blind Side.

Sandra now has two reasons to celebrate this week after it was announced that the Blind Side is the first ever movie to break the $200 million mark with only one female A-lister to support it.

Check out the video footage of the kiss below – not recommended if you’ve just eaten.

YouTube Preview Image

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Date: January 16th, 2010

THE PRESSURES OF BEING LEONA’S “DOUBLE”

In what might be the funniest thing we’ve read all year, the Daily Mail has run a story about a desperate attention seeker who claims that being Leona Lewis’s ‘double’ is ruining her life.

Sasha Gordon, a London retail assistant, finds herself ‘mobbed’ and ‘pestered for autographs’ wherever she goes.

Things have gotten so bad that her boyfriend of 5 years has left her and she’s struggling to find a permanent job as potential employers are concerned her ‘looks’ would be a distraction.

Now we might have some sympathy for this girl – IF SHE LOOKED ANYTHING LIKE LEONA!!

We can fully understand that potential employers may see her looks as a distraction, but probably not for the same reasons as she thinks.

Leona Lewis lookalike? We don’t see it. Bad Leona Drag Queen? Now that we do get.

And if there were any truth in this story, we’d have a very simple solution for Sasha – CUT YOUR HAIR AND STOP COPYING HER OUTFITS!

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Date: January 15th, 2010

KATY QUASHES PREGNANCY RUMOURS

Katy Perry Extinguishes Pregnancy Rumors!

Katy Perry took to Twitter today to deny rumours that she is pregnant, but as usual went one step too far by revealing she was having her period. In her words:

ur gonna make me cry, maybe that’s my period tho. THAT’S RIGHT I’M BLEEDING. Face. Better luck next month peepz.”

Too much information!

And, as if that wasn’t bad enough she followed it up by tweeting the most VILE picture we’ve seen in a long time.

Dear Katie – in future a simple “I’m not pregnant” will suffice!

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Date: January 10th, 2010

GAGA’S NEW HEADGEAR

Latest Technology Innovations Introduced At 2010 Consumer Electronics Show

Lady Gaga’s past fashion stunts have included masks, latex and teacups, but this week she managed to surpass all of those by wearing a hat made of… her own hair!

She sported the new look at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, where she was unveiled as the new ‘Chief Creative Officer’ for Polaroid. Translation: they’re throwing bucket loads of cash at her to plug Polaroid products and take credit for the work of their lowly paid employees. What a sell out!

Latest Technology Innovations Introduced At 2010 Consumer Electronics Show

As for this ‘hat,’ we’re not fans. There’s something really quite creepy about it.

Mission accomplished though, everyone’s talking about it and once again Gaga is getting the attention she so craves.

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Date: January 3rd, 2010

ELTON JOHN GETS EMINEM OFF DRUGS

2001 Brit Awards

Elton John is once again doing what he does best and sticking his nose into other people’s business in an attempt to stay relevant. This time he’s claiming to be Eminem’s saviour, stating that he’s been helping the formerly homophobic rapper to overcome his addiction to prescription drugs over the past 18 months.

Elton is developing a habit of gaining headlines on the back of ‘helping’ his pop star peers with their substance abuse issues. We’re not quite sure why he feels the need to get so involved and his help isn’t always (or ever?) welcome.

When he tried to muscle in on George Michael’s addictions he was told by George to “shut up and get on with his own life”. And Robbie Williams famously described Elton as ‘weird’ for ‘kidnapping him’ and forcing him into rehab following his departure from Take That in the 90’s.

It’s odd that Elton seems to be offering his counseling skills exclusively to male stars. We do hope he’s not looking for anything in return!

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Date: December 28th, 2009

BRITISH Z-LIST FASHION DISASTER

Michelle Keegan

At RumerMills we wouldn’t normally lower ourselves to covering the antics of Z-List British soap-stars, but when we spotted an article in the Daily Mail showing Coronation St actress Michelle Keegan in this horrendous outfit, we couldn’t let it pass – if only as a warning to celebrities the world over on how NEVER to dress.

The hair: This odd attempt at an Amy Winehouse beehive fails miserably, looking more like a disturbing mess of back-combed, greasy rats’ tails.

The headband: Last seen on Olivia Newton John – in 1981! Michelle clearly has ideas above her station if she thinks she can single handedly re-launch the trend almost 30 years later. Our advice to her is to wait for someone that WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT to bring this back into fashion.

The tan: The ‘afternoon of gentle sun-tanning in Barbados’ look is in. The ‘burnt-orange radioactive Chernobyl victim’ look is well and truly out.

The fur: Victoria Beckham may have made fur cool again, but to carry it off well requires being wealthy enough to spend the equivalent of the average UK annual salary on something luxurious, vintage and classy. This $20 sheep skin rug looks cheap, tacky and so devastatingly fake it makes us want to cry.

The trousers: Ever thought about having them tailored to your size so that we can see your shoes, Michelle? On second thoughts, maybe best to hold off until never such times as you can afford something by Louboutin or Jimmy Choo.

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Date: December 17th, 2009

TWITTER FINALLY BECOMES USEFUL

Demi Moore

Demi Moore was hilariously insulted on Twitter today by one of her 2.4 million followers. The not so kind tweeter wrote:

Sorry but, you look old… specially your neck and cheecks [sic] at the second shot… i’m really sorry.’

We love the polite way in which the insult was delivered. The fact this follower was so obviously uncomfortable in breaking the news to Demi suggests they really meant it and adds insult to injury. Needless to say her hardcore fans went into action immediately, showering the former A-Lister with compliments on how great she looks.

Would it be cynical of us to suggest Demi probably wrote the insult herself? As the world’s number one attention seeker it seems to us she would do anything to wrench some compliments out of her ‘fans’!

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Date: December 2nd, 2009

IS THIS TIGER’S MISTRESS?

Jaimee Grubbs

After 4 days of speculation about whether Tiger Woods was having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, the mystery of who his mistress was may have been solved. Jaimee Grubbs, star of VH1 reality show Tool Academy, has come forward and claimed to have been having an affair with Woods for almost 3 years.

Jaimee, a 24 year old cocktail waitress, claims the pair first hooked up in April 2007 and have had over 20 sexual encounters since then. What’s more, she also claims to be in posession of text messages and voicemails that prove the affair.

Is it possible that Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren stumbled across these text messages and that’s what led her to smash his car window in with a golf club? Or is it more likely that this attention seeking little ho’ decided she wanted a piece of the paparazzi action that Rachel Uchitel’s been getting and made the whole thing up?

We wait to be informed!

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Date: December 1st, 2009

RACHEL CONTINUES TO DENY THE AFFAIR

Rachel Uchitel

The NY Post has printed a statement by Rachel Uchitel in which she emphatically denies having an affair with Tiger Woods. We have to say that having read such a compelling statement we’re now inclined to believe her. In Rachel’s words:

I work in clubs and I am a businesswoman. I do not have sex with celebrities, and I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods.”

Rachel has chosen a career in which she gets to spend much of her time with celebrities, and from the huge number of pictures we’ve seen of her with a variety of famous guys we’re convinced that she is the attention seeking fame-whore we suspected. But as for this affair with Tiger, would she really deny it so strongly if it weren’t true? We know Rachel’s type and if there was even a glimmer of truth in this story she’d be spinning it out for weeks.

In many ways we’re starting to quite like her, not least because of the venom in this statement she issued regarding Ashley Sampson, the ‘friend’ who leaked the story of the affair to the press:

[She] is just looking for a payday because she is a f- – -ing hooker and wants money. She just got a little smart for once and put some things together she could use for a story.”

Bitchy!

Perhaps then it’s time to lay off accusing Rachel of wrecking Tiger Woods’ marriage. Besides, there are many other areas of her life that fascinate us – not least this picture of her canoodling with Stephen Dorff, the has-been actor whose most notable role in the past 5 years was rescuing Britney from a bath in her video for Everytime (quick – someone call the Oscar committee!).

Anyway, back to Rachel – isn’t this the most astounding camel toe ever seen!?

Rachel Uchitel

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Date: November 29th, 2009

INTRODUCING RACHEL UCHITEL: FROM 9/11 VICTIM TO CELEBRITY SEX TOY

Tiger Woods with wife Elin Nordegren

Tiger Woods with wife Elin Nordegren

The story of Tiger Woods‘ car crash this week is very odd. Initial reports suggested he’d innocently driven into a fire hydrant at the bottom of his drive, but we’re now hearing that he was found with facial lacerations that were more consistent with an attack, and that his Swedish model wife Elin Nordegren was on the scene and had smashed in his car windows with a golf club – apparently to rescue him. The facts of the case are not yet clear, but all clues are starting to point to a domestic incident and the internet is awash with rumours that the reason may have been an affair Tiger was allegedly having with NY socialite Rachel Uchitel.

Rachel Uchitel on 9/11

Rachel Uchitel: Distraught on 9/11

Rachel wasn’t on our radar until this week but having done our research she jumps immediately onto our B list for being perhaps the most talented social climber of our lifetime. Her curious story begins on 9/11, when she lost fiance Andy O’Grady in the Twin Tower attacks and became something of a celebrity following the publication of a photograph of her looking distraught as she searched for him. Rachel appears to have used the resulting media attention as a platform for launching herself onto the New York party circuit, finding that a glamorous make-over and suggestions of a few C-List notches on her bedpost were all it took to gatecrash the socialite scene.

Rachel Uchitel: Famewhore

Rachel Uchitel: Famewhore

Rachel has undergone something of a transformation since 2001 and is practically un-recognisable from the 9/11 photo that launched her. Following a four month marriage to Wall Street Trader Steve Ehrenkranz in 2004, she’s been linked to a string of men including nightclub entrepreneur Jason Strauss and Bones actor David Boreanz. Most recently there were rumours of an affair with Tiger, fuelled by her staying at the same Melbourne hotel as him during the Australian Open. We wouldn’t be surprised if poor Tiger is completely innocent and this crazed attention-seeker set the whole thing up!

One thing is for sure, this sort of scandal is exactly what Rachel needed to move from the fringes of celebrity slap bang into the pages of every gossip column in the world. Hats off to her for a job very well done.

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Date: November 28th, 2009

ROBBIE SHARES ANOTHER INTIMATE MOMENT WITH THE WORLD

robbie ayda

Limp sales of his latest album have left Robbie Williams roaming the globe in desperate search of publicity. Yesterday he popped up in Sydney to appear on the Kyle and Jackie O show, where he decided to share one of the most intimate moments of his life with the world and proposed to girlfriend Ayda Field live on air. That’s one way to grab headlines! Like any money grabbing fame whore doting girlfriend Ayda accepted his proposal without hesitation and the two sealed their engagement by borrowing a ‘Frog’ ring from the show’s presenter.

Just to make sure the proposal made headlines in the UK, his most important market, Robbie then got his mother in on the act, who phoned in to the BBC’s Radio 5 Live to confirm the engagement was not a joke. Funny then that his spokesman later issued a statement to say it was a joke.

Either way, he got the attention he so craves. Job done.

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