Date: February 6th, 2010

MILEY’S SISTER SET TO LAUNCH SHOCKING NEW FASHION RANGE

16th Annual Dream Halloween in Santa Monica

Responsible parents the world over will be terrified to learn that Miley Cyrus‘ 9 year old sister Noah is set to launch her own clothing range. Noah, famous for dressing like a hooker her risque looks has teamed up with best friend Emily Grace Reaves, 8, to launch a range of what is described as ‘trendy, sweet, yet edgy’ designs in time for Valentine’s Day.

Celebrity launch party for new MYZOS in Santa Monica

So much is wrong with this story we’re not quite sure where to start. At 8 and 9 years old it’s doubtful this pair have the design knowledge or business awareness to launch a clothing line, so they’re clearly puppets being exploited by their parents and Ooh! La, La! Couture, the company financing the range. Shouldn’t they be focusing on playing with dolls and doing their homework? And why on Earth is a CHILDREN’S range being launched in time for Valentine’s Day?

Worst of all though is the complete lack of style displayed by these girls in any of their past outfits. If they’re going to insist on being dressed like adults they could at least choose some stylish role models like Victoria Beckham or Blake Lively – rather than whatever pair of Hollywood Blvd trannies they’ve chosen to mimic for their previous red carpet outfits.

2009 Teen Choice Awards Pre-Party

To us this is even more alarming than the pictures Miley and her father did for Vanity Fair a few years back. If these kids weren’t as rich and famous we’re pretty sure the authorities would have stepped in by now to put an end to this outrageously bad parenting.

2009 Teen Choice Awards Pre-Party

Update: Ooh! La, La! Couture have denied that Noah or Emily will be designing a range for them. Instead they say their latest collection was ‘inspired’ by Emily. We’re not letting them totally off the hook though, their designs are still completely inappropriate for the age group they’re targetting.

Check out the collection here.

Date: February 1st, 2010

RIHANNA’S MULTIPLE CRIMES AGAINST FASHION AT THE GRAMMYS

Rihanna arrives at the Clive Davis Pre-Grammy Gala in Beverly Hills

Dear Rihanna

Next time Clive Davis invites you to his pre-Grammy Awards Gala, we’d suggest requesting something stylish from a reputable designer rather than fashioning a homemade outfit from your favorite assortment of crepe papers and an old black leotard.

Borrowing a pair of your mother’s favourite coral pink shoes is also a no.

The 52nd Annual GRAMMY Awards - Audience

As for attending the awards themselves, the ‘dipped yourself in glue then ripped open a pillow’ look is not and never will be in. Poor Jay looks horrified at being snapped talking to you.

Yours,

RumerMills

Date: February 1st, 2010

BRITNEY AT THE GRAMMIES

The 52nd Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Britney, we absolutely adore you but your Grammy outfit should never have seen the light of day.

Please seek help!

Date: January 28th, 2010

VICTORIA CLAIMS TO BE THE SAME DRESS SIZE AS J-LO

Victoria Beckham claims to be the same dress size as jennifer lopez

In the most unlikely news we’ve heard all year, 10 Magazine published an interview with Victoria Beckham this week in which she claims to be the same dress size as Jennifer Lopez. According to Posh:

My dresses are for women of all different shapes and sizes (LIE No. 1 – they only go up to a size 12, ruling out half the female population). Actually, the one I tried on yesterday was the one Jennifer wore (LIE No. 2 – see below).”

The interviewer was clearly unable to hide her disbelief, forcing Posh to add:

Who’d have thought I’d be the same size as Jennifer Lopez!

Erm, NO-ONE!

As the pictures above show, their bodies couldn’t be more different. One clearly likes her grub and carries more junk than the average dumpster, while the other is dangerously malnourished and counts fresh air as one of her favourite foods.

We doubt J-Lo will be happy when news of this interview reaches her. Victoria’s shock at being the same size as her seems to us to be little more than a thinly veiled attempt at implying she’s a porker!

Date: January 25th, 2010

UMA GETS DRESSED IN THE DARK

Uma Thurman Fashion DisasterUma Thurman was spotted doing her best impression of Dr Seuss’ Cat in the Hat as she prowled through London’s Heathrow Airport this morning.

Meeee-aow!

Date: January 21st, 2010

NEW BATCH OF MADONNA SHOTS

Madonna plays a sexy housewife in the latest batch of shots to be released for her Dolce & Gabbana Spring / Summer 2010 campaign – and looks utterly sensational.

Who’d have thought 51 would ever look this great!?

Date: January 19th, 2010

JENNIFER ANISTON AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES

We’ve got to hand it to Jennifer Aniston for looking stunning at the Golden Globes, where she presented an award alongside her co-star in The Bounty Hunter, Gerard Butler.

Never one to miss out on a photo opportunity, Jen flashed one of her soon-to-be 41 year old legs in a dress that was slit to her belly-button.

She’s certainly looking much better than her tubby Friends co-star, Matt Le Blanc, who was spotted last week in LA looking like he’d ate his former self. The rumoured Friends movie is going to look odd to say the least if Rachel rocks up looking 24 while Joey rocks up looking fat, old & grey.

Date: January 17th, 2010

HISTORY IN THE MAKING: POSH WITHOUT HER MAKEUP

The world was thrown into chaos this week when Victoria Beckham was spotted looking like a normal mother of three.

The fashionista was caught in LA wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and presumably no makeup as she hid her face under a black bomber jacket. This is very out of character for Victoria, who’s never been seen looking anything other than immaculate – and has certainly never been known to pass up a photo opportunity.

Could there be another reason for the disguise? Bit of work done maybe?

Victoria Beckham Heads to London

Thankfully she’d returned to her glamorous best by the time she headed to LAX on Saturday to catch a flight to London, wearing a little black dress and chunky belt that are sure to set the trend for this season’s fashion.

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Date: January 10th, 2010

GAGA’S NEW HEADGEAR

Latest Technology Innovations Introduced At 2010 Consumer Electronics Show

Lady Gaga’s past fashion stunts have included masks, latex and teacups, but this week she managed to surpass all of those by wearing a hat made of… her own hair!

She sported the new look at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, where she was unveiled as the new ‘Chief Creative Officer’ for Polaroid. Translation: they’re throwing bucket loads of cash at her to plug Polaroid products and take credit for the work of their lowly paid employees. What a sell out!

Latest Technology Innovations Introduced At 2010 Consumer Electronics Show

As for this ‘hat,’ we’re not fans. There’s something really quite creepy about it.

Mission accomplished though, everyone’s talking about it and once again Gaga is getting the attention she so craves.

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Date: January 5th, 2010

ASHLEY OLSEN GOES JOGGING

Ashley Olsen Is Hobo Chic Even While Jogging!

Is this tramp meant to be a multi-millionaire fashion designer?

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Date: January 4th, 2010

SIENNA ON THE BEACH

Sienna Miller spotted on holiday in Barbados with Jude Law, displaying the class and elegance we’ve come to love her for as she scratches her rear end in full view of the paparazzi.

Sexy!

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Date: January 2nd, 2010

J-LO’S NYE PERFORMANCE IN TIMES SQUARE

Jennifer Lopez Catsuit

J-Lo’s mid-life crisis hit a new peak this week as she appeared on stage in Times Square, New York, wearing a diamante-studded lycra catsuit.

The singer performed her greatest hits (both of them) plus new single Louboutins to celebrate the start of 2010.

While we do have to admit she’s in great shape, skin-tight catsuits are never a great idea beyond the age of 19 and certainly never appropriate attire for a 40 year old mother of two. In this instance the result is somewhere between a Teletubby and a bad drag queen.

J.Lo Catsuit

As ever J-Lo made sure her mammoth ass was the star of the show and shook it for the cameras at every opportunity. Judging from the video below this was a clever ploy to distract from her shockingly bad lip-synching.

YouTube Preview Image

Check out her performance above.

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Date: December 29th, 2009

J-LO AT THE MIAMI DOLPHINS GAME

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez headed out to the Miami Dolphins game last night wearing what appeared to be a denim catsuit. That’s right, a DENIM CATSUIT!

Has she completely lost her mind? The picture above would suggest she has, with her unashamedly posing for the cameras while clinging on to husband Marc Anthony for support.

However, in the sheepish picture below she appears to be absolutely mortified, suggesting she had a moment of sanity and realised her awful mistake – albeit WAY too late.

Jennifer Lopez Denim Catsuit

The cringeworthy look on her face and defensive body language say it all.

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Date: December 28th, 2009

BRITISH Z-LIST FASHION DISASTER

Michelle Keegan

At RumerMills we wouldn’t normally lower ourselves to covering the antics of Z-List British soap-stars, but when we spotted an article in the Daily Mail showing Coronation St actress Michelle Keegan in this horrendous outfit, we couldn’t let it pass – if only as a warning to celebrities the world over on how NEVER to dress.

The hair: This odd attempt at an Amy Winehouse beehive fails miserably, looking more like a disturbing mess of back-combed, greasy rats’ tails.

The headband: Last seen on Olivia Newton John – in 1981! Michelle clearly has ideas above her station if she thinks she can single handedly re-launch the trend almost 30 years later. Our advice to her is to wait for someone that WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT to bring this back into fashion.

The tan: The ‘afternoon of gentle sun-tanning in Barbados’ look is in. The ‘burnt-orange radioactive Chernobyl victim’ look is well and truly out.

The fur: Victoria Beckham may have made fur cool again, but to carry it off well requires being wealthy enough to spend the equivalent of the average UK annual salary on something luxurious, vintage and classy. This $20 sheep skin rug looks cheap, tacky and so devastatingly fake it makes us want to cry.

The trousers: Ever thought about having them tailored to your size so that we can see your shoes, Michelle? On second thoughts, maybe best to hold off until never such times as you can afford something by Louboutin or Jimmy Choo.

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Date: December 28th, 2009

RACHEL UCHITEL SPENDS THE HOLIDAYS IN FLORIDA

Rachel Uchitel

Tiger Woods’ no.1 mistress Rachel Uchitel was spotted yesterday in Palm Beach, Florida, doing what she does best – whoring herself for publicity.

The staged candid shots are said to have been taken by a paparazzo who ’stumbled’ across the celebrity whore as she spent some time by the sea frolicking with her dog. Translation: Rachel cut a 50/50 deal with a low life pap to stage some nearly naked shots to keep her greedy little face in the tabloids for yet another day.

It’s been reported that the 34 year old club hostess is keen to keep her celebrity value high as she’s about to cut deals to reveal all on Oprah, then reveal even more for Playboy. Apparently she’s been offered seven figure sums by both, which is potentially the most money a woman has ever earned from having sex – we’re talking figures that the best Hollywood madams could only dream of earning in a lifetime.

Rachel Uchitel Palm Beach

We do have to congratulate Rachel on finally finding a bikini that keeps her tucked in – certainly a vast improvement on the horrendous camel toe she displayed while frolicking on the beach with Stephen Dorff a few years back.

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