Girls Aloud’s Sarah Harding has given up on trying to make it onto Rumer’s Rankings (Z-list is the lowest we go) and so now she’s trying to infiltrate our site by opening Kanaloa, a London nightclub that she hopes will make it onto Rumer Recommends. Last night was the launch party and judging by the complete lack of desirable celebs in attendance, there is very little chance of that happening either.

Her ‘celebrity’ guests included JLS (fame-whores), the Sugababes (did someone mention free booze?), Holly Valance (how’s that Hollywood career coming along Holly?) and pensioner Cilla Black (really Sarah!?). From what we heard not even her bandmates showed up, which is a bit of a poor show considering the support they gave Cheryl Cole leading up to her X Factor performance.

Sarah should be particularly mortified as the opening of her club comes just weeks after the re-opening of London hotspot China White. Their launch party was bursting at the seams with top celebs including Noel Gallacher, Princess Beatrice, Chelsy Davy, Holly and Sam Branson, Jo Woods and Natalie Imbruglia.

Now pay attention Sarah – here comes the science bit. RumerMills is about reporting on the cream of the celebrity world, and Rumer Recommends is where we divulge details of the fabulous venues that they frequent. Get back to us when your dingy club manages to attract a celebrity worth writing about, or alternatively when hell freezes over (which in all likelihood will be sooner).

Follow RumerMills on Twitter by adding @RumerMills