Date: January 16th, 2010

THE PRESSURES OF BEING LEONA’S “DOUBLE”

In what might be the funniest thing we’ve read all year, the Daily Mail has run a story about a desperate attention seeker who claims that being Leona Lewis’s ‘double’ is ruining her life.

Sasha Gordon, a London retail assistant, finds herself ‘mobbed’ and ‘pestered for autographs’ wherever she goes.

Things have gotten so bad that her boyfriend of 5 years has left her and she’s struggling to find a permanent job as potential employers are concerned her ‘looks’ would be a distraction.

Now we might have some sympathy for this girl – IF SHE LOOKED ANYTHING LIKE LEONA!!

We can fully understand that potential employers may see her looks as a distraction, but probably not for the same reasons as she thinks.

Leona Lewis lookalike? We don’t see it. Bad Leona Drag Queen? Now that we do get.

And if there were any truth in this story, we’d have a very simple solution for Sasha – CUT YOUR HAIR AND STOP COPYING HER OUTFITS!

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Leona Lewis
Date: November 14th, 2009

BLACK EYED PEAS TAKE THE LEAD

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With one day left to go, the most exciting singles chart battle of the year in the UK is really hotting up. Our sources tell us that the Black Eyed Peas have nudged into the lead with Meet Me Halfway, leaving Leona around 2,000 copies behind.

Leona better pull something out of the bag – given the amount of money that’s been spent on this record she’ll be far from ‘Happy’ with the number 2 slot!

The UK charts could be the least of Leona’s worries though. In the US, by far her most important market, ‘Happy’ entered the Billboard chart at number 50, before plummeting to number 98. It has rebounded slightly this week at number 68, but all in all this is a shocking performance.

Don’t be surprised if Leona’s on the next jet bound for New York to promo-whore herself around any TV or Radio station that will have her!

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Date: November 3rd, 2009

LEONA’S FIRST CONCERT

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We spent tonight at Leona Lewis’s first ever concert, which took place at the Hackney Empire in London. We can pretty much sum up our thoughts as:

Voice: 10/10 – Note Perfect.

Stage Walk: 2/10 – Cart Horse in Stilettos

Dancing: 1/10 – Cringe!!

Personality: 0/10 – Completely Vacant.

While we can’t fault Leona’s voice, the show was completely underwhelming. She sang for just under an hour, with Bleeding Love, Better in Time, new song I Got You and encore Run being the highlights. The show was generally good until the times where Leona attempted to walk, dance or speak, at which point she looked very awkward and completely uncoordinated. She needs to work on these areas before embarking on her arena tour in a few months’ time otherwise she’ll never be taken seriously as a long-term artist, despite how good her voice may be.

The best thing about the night was the aftershow party held at the roof-top pool of super trendy members’ club Shoreditch House. The champagne and canapes were to die for, although we were a little disappointed that not a single celebrity (other than Leona herself) showed up to the event… Surely her mentor Simon Cowell could have called in a few favours from his fame-whore mates like Kate Moss or Katie Price? Well perhaps they would have had he bothered to show up at the party himself!

Date: October 31st, 2009

LEONA ON THE DIFFICULTIES OF FAME

3.1 Phillip Lim LA Store - One Year Anniversary Party

At RumerMills we cannot STAND a celebrity who moans about how difficult life is in the spotlight, so you can imagine how irritated we were to read Leona Lewis’s latest interview about how fame has taken a “cruel toll” on her life. Leona dear, it’s very simple. If you don’t want to be famous anymore then all you have to do is hand back the free designer dresses, decline the invitations to the A list parties and premieres, refuse the exotic promotional trips, hand back your multi-million dollar record advance and head back to your job as a receptionist in East London. Then tell us how difficult life is!

Read the full interview here.

Date: October 28th, 2009

SPARE US THE BOREDOM

Leona Lewis Signs Copies Of New Book 'Dreams'

Leona’s PR people are scraping the barrel when it comes to generating publicity for her new album, Echo, scheduled for release on November 16th. Today we get some wooly story about how she refused to kiss Gossip Girl hottie Chace Crawford when filming the video for her 2008 single I Will Be. As if! Chace gets to spend his working days with the super hot Leighton Meester and ultra sexy Blake Lively, so we’re sure he wasn’t putting the offers out to Leona only to be rejected!

Leona’s people need to realise that the only thing that will ever be interesting about her was the slap she took at that book signing last week. We suggest you focus on the voice and not on the lack of personality!.

We are however thankful for the reminder of the masterpiece that was the I Will Be video. Leona’s acting performance at the beginning was more wooden than the average tree, so much so that it still makes us laugh out loud. Enjoy below…

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Date: October 19th, 2009

LEONA’S NEW VIDEO (YAWN)

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Another day, another attempt by Leona’s people to make her interesting. We’ve got to admit that we love her voice and that some of her past singles and performances have been outstanding, but she has all the personality of a corpse and the music videos to match. This time they’ve gone for the “Leona the backstabbing bridesmaid bitch that has a raunchy affair with her best friend’s man” theme. We don’t buy it though we have to hand it to them for having her slapped around the bookstore last week – genius PR!

We’re not yet sure how Leona’s career is going to go. Happy is an OK song, but it’s really just more of the same from her last album. Does anyone care? We hear her record company is facing an uphill battle, particularly as she’s fast gaining a reputation in the media industry for being the most difficult person in music to work with – just ask some of our friends in Asia. Some journalists booked to interview her were recently told that Leona doesn’t DO talking on the day of a performance…

That attitude is all fine and well when you’re in demand, but we’re sure she’ll soon learn how to talk and sing on the same day when her career hits the skids!