Date: December 21st, 2009

NICOLE RETURNS TO AUSTRALIA FOR XMAS

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman looks every inch the dowdy housewife as she arrives at her sister’s home in Sydney, Australia, with her daughter Sunday Rose. Nicole talked recently about how she hates to be separated from Sunday, telling USA Today:

“I just can never be away from her, so she comes wherever I go, as you see. Have baby, will travel. She’s OK (on planes), but honestly, we stay in Nashville a lot. That’s why I don’t work that much.”

Nicole’s devotion to her daughter is touching, it’s just a pity that the children she adopted together with ex-husband Tom Cruise in 1995 don’t get quite the same (or any!) attention. Another Xmas will come and go and still no evidence of Nicole having seen those poor children since the day she and Tom separated over 9 years ago.

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Date: December 14th, 2009

Date: December 8th, 2009

OLLY STRIPS FOR FAKE TAN

Before After

At RumerMills we’re not ashamed to admit we’re completely tan-ist and can’t bear the site of a pasty white body. And so you can imagine our delight to discover that, after just a few short weeks in the public eye, X Factor finalist Olly Murs has learned the golden rule of celebrity – when the pressures of work prevent you from soaking up the sun in a luxury resort of your choice, FAKE IT FAKE IT FAKE IT!

Olly demonstrates this well in his before and after pictures. In the ‘before’ we wouldn’t touch him with a bargepole, but in the ‘after’ – well, bring it on!

Sadly, despite spending over 20 years in Hollywood, this simple rule has managed to escape Nicole Kidman’s attention and she continues to assault our delicate eyes by flashing her blue skin on the red carpet at every opportunity.

Give it up Nicole!

Nicole Kidman

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Date: December 4th, 2009

PREMIERE OF “NINE” THE MOVIE

Nine - World Premiere - Inside Arrivals

The world premiere of Nine took place in London’s Leicester Square on Wednesday. Congratulations to Kate Hudson who looked absolutely stunning in a white gown worthy of the Oscars. We love A-Listers who make an effort.

Nicole Kidman

Sadly Nicole Kidman didn’t put quite so much (or any?) effort into her outfit for the occasion.

Nicole – for the avoidance of doubt, a white blazer and not so matching netball skirt are NEVER appropriate attire for a red carpet event! And while the “pale and interesting” look may have worked in your twenties, now that you’re in your forties it just makes you look old, blue and cold. BUY SOME FAKE TAN!

Or more appropriately, a pair of stockings.

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Date: November 26th, 2009

IS NICOLE PREGNANT AGAIN?

Actress Nicole Kidman arrives at the 37th American Music Awards in Los Angeles
Nicole Kidman was spotted at the AMA’s sporting what could have been a baby bump. If she is pregnant then she’s certainly not having any difficulties in conceiving since she got with Keith Urban. Similarly, since her ex Tom Cruise managed to get Katie Holmes pregnant within a very short while of meeting her it appears that his swimmers are also in tip top shape. Tom and Nicole clearly wanted children together as they adopted Connor and Isabella (remember them, Nicole?).

All of which begs the question, what was stopping Nicole from getting pregnant during their 10 years of marriage?

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Date: November 17th, 2009

SERIAL ATTENTION SEEKER

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman is back on the promo trail and is resorting to her usual tactic of talking rubbish in exchange for headlines. Following last week’s disclosures of her strange sexual fetishes, this week we’re getting the lowdown on her body and recently expanding breasts. Nicole is putting her new curves down to pregnancy, saying:

“They’re not very big, my boobs, so they just became normal size. I loved it!”

Translation – following pregnancy and breast-feeding my breasts resembled a spaniel’s ears. I’ve recently thrown MASSES of cash at one of Hollywood’s finest surgeons for bigger, perkier boobies.

“I felt very Woman. When you’ve had a slightly androgynous body your whole life, having breasts is a nice feeling.”

Translation – Having starved myself to the point of near menopause my breasts never really stood a chance. Binging on half an apple a day during pregnancy saw them finally bounce back.

While we’re on this subject, what on Earth does “I felt very Woman” mean – who talks like this!?

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Nicole Kidman
Date: November 4th, 2009

ANYTHING FOR PUBLICITY

Slide1

Nicole Kidman has finally realised that she’s barely had a headline since the world fell in love with little Suri Cruise and forgot about her, and like any good fame-whore she’s doing everything she can to try and claw back some attention. Nicole knows better than any of us that sex sells and so she cunningly decided to open up to GQ about her strange sexual fetishes. Our favourite quotes from the interview include:

“I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy.“ – Translation: I WANT ATTENTION!!! We wonder if she tried these strange fetishes during her time with Tom (and whether they included threesomes with other men?)

She goes on to describe her current marriage to Keith Urban as “raw” and “dangerous” – is that because he’s an alcoholic?

Still on the marriage, she says “It’s a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous and you’re very much out at sea. You’re exposed. You could drown.” WTF!? Drown in what – Keith’s vodka? From these incoherent ramblings it sounds like she already has!

While on the subject of Tom and Nicole, when did she last see those two kids she adopted with him? Has anyone seen them with her since 2001?

Children are for life Nicole, not just 1 marriage!!

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