TIGER WOODS’ PRESS CONFERENCE
Do 15 minute sex-addict apology speeches qualify for the Oscars? If so Tiger should make a clean sweep at this year’s ceremony!
We particularly love the part that goes:
“I am also aware of the pain my behaviour has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down.”
Now now Tiger, don’t beat yourself up too much… not a single journalist in that room felt any pain from your actions – quite the opposite. Do you know how many newspapers they sold on the back of your sex-crazed antics?
TIGER WOODS GAINS WEIGHT IN REHAB
Looks like all those marathon sex sessions were doing more for Tiger Woods than just satisfying his perverse fantasies – they were keeping him in shape.
Having swapped his whores for an undefined period of abstinence in a clinic for sex addicts, he appears to have gained quite a few extra pounds.
Keep on running!
ELIN NORDEGREN HEADS OUT TO LUNCH IN FLORIDA
Poor Elin Nordegren. While her cheating scoundrel of a husband Tiger Woods takes time out to relax at a clinic in Mississippi, she’s left holding the babies and looking like she’s aged 20 years in the few months since news of his affairs first broke.
The 30 year-old former model was spotted out to lunch with son Charlie Axel in Florida yesterday looking more like a woman in her late 40’s.
It’s been revealed that she spent the weekend in Mississippi with Tiger and joined in some therapeutic classes aimed at curing his sex-addiction. We hope she took the opportunity to give him the best cure he could hope for – a swift kick on the b*lls!
It’s also been revealed that Elin first learned of Tiger’s affair with Rachel Uchitel after finding some text messages from her on his mobile. She proceeded to call Rachel but was immediately told to “f**k off” when Rachel realised who she was.
A decent person may have shown some remorse – but not the delightful Ms Uchitel!
Check out more pictures on Mr Paparazzi.
TIGER’S CHEATING GOES TRANSATLANTIC
It’s official – there isn’t a woman on Earth Tiger Woods wouldn’t sleep with.
At least that appears to be the case following revelations in the News of the World that mistress no. 19 is Emma Rotherham – a 42 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF TWO originally from the UK. We can now safely add MILF’s to his long list of sexual preferences.
Emma is said to live close to Tiger’s office in Isleworth, Florida, and is alleged to have visited him on numerous occasions for ‘hot sex’ on the sofa in his office. Sources close to her are claiming that Tiger used to beg for raunchy photos of her dressed up in stockings and suspenders, and once had a cocaine fueled romp with her at a top golf tournament.
Tiger has now reportedly paid her $500,000 to keep her mouth shut about their affair and to hand over raunchy text messages he sent her.
He really shouldn’t have bothered with the cash. Pointing out those massively oversized teeth should have been enough to keep that mouth closed.
TIGER REPENTS
Golf superstar and celebrity sex pervert Tiger Woods has been off radar for a few weeks now but has finally been tracked down to a clinic for sex addicts in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. US news outlets are reporting that he’s half way through the Pine Grove’s six-week Gentle Path programme, said to cost $60,000.
Woods is said to have entered the program after his wife Elin Nordegren threatened to take his 2 children – daughter Sam Alexis, 2, and 6 month old son Charlie Axel – back to Sweden unless he entered rehab and vowed to stop cheating.
Pine Grove is regarded as having one of the world’s best sex addict recovery programmes. Normally patients share rooms and carry out domestic chores, but Tiger reportedly has his own chalet and maid service.
Let’s hope for Elin’s sake these ‘maids’ aren’t hot young women – otherwise this will be the equivalent of sending a fat kid to rehab in a burger joint!
A GLIMPSE OF THE REAL TIGER
Here’s Tiger Woods in a never before seen shot for Vanity Fair. The picture was originally taken in January 2006 by controversial photographer Annie Liebowitz, and has now been picked out of the archives for the magazine’s latest issue.
In it we see Tiger pumping iron and looking menacing – a far cry from the sweet boy we’re used to seeing on the golf course. Suddenly it’s not so hard to picture him as the sex-crazed adulterer who cheated on his wife countless times.
In the accompanying article, journalist Buzz Bissinger talks to some of the people who’ve interviewed Woods over the years to try to get a handle on how he managed to keep his infidelity under wraps for so long. He also takes a look back at some of the interviews, including a very embarrassing one that a 21 year old Woods gave to GQ in 1997 in which he joked about lesbian sex and the endowment of black athletes. He said:
“What I can’t figure out is why so many good-looking women hang around baseball and basketball. Is it because, you know, people always say that, like, black guys have big dicks?”
He later rubbed the tips of his shoes together and asked the women who looked after him during the interview “What’s this?” When they replied they didn’t know he answered with “It’s a black guy taking off his condom.”
Then came another joke about why two lesbians always reach orgasm faster than two gay guys: because the lesbians are always going 69.
Such a vile perv funny guy!
Thankfully Tiger met super-agent Mark Steinberg shortly after the interview was given, who made sure he didn’t repeat this type of bad behaviour in public again.
Just a pity Steinberg didn’t have quite so much influence over his private life!
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IS ELIN SET TO TAKE TIGER BACK?
Elin Nordegren could be set to claim the ‘doormat of the year’ award with sources reporting that she may be ready to take her “lion cheetah” of a husband back. Although Elin has spent the holidays holed up at the couple’s chalet in the ski resort of Chamonix, France, while Tiger has been soaking up the sun in Palm Beach, Florida, the two are said to have spent a great deal of time talking on the phone trying to work through their issues.
We’d imagine that might take quite a bit of time. With rumours of at least 14 affairs with women ranging from dowdy burger waitresses to posh British TV personalities, it’s not going to be easy for Elin to work out what it is exactly Tiger is looking for from a woman.
Then there’s the fact that Tiger’s highest profile mistress Rachel Uchitel was less than a few miles from where his yacht was parked in Palm Beach during the holiday period. Surely there’s some explaining to do there?
Our advice to Elin is to RUN FOR THE HILLS. With half of his billion dollar fortune of course.
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TIGER QUITS GOLF
Tiger Woods has today released a statement on his official website to say he is taking time out from golf to work on his broken marriage. In his words:
“After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.”
We’re surprised at Tiger’s decision, especially since it’s not so much his golf playing that’s ruined his marriage as his sexual relations with porn stars, socialites, party-planners, British TV personalities, waitresses, barmaids, glamour models, reality-TV wannabes and, well, any other big-breasted, home-wrecking famewhore that’s passed within 10 feet of him over the past few years. We do hope he’s giving those up too!
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HOLLY SAMPSON – TIGER’S PORN STAR MISTRESS
Something seemed familiar to us when we first saw Tiger Woods’ latest mistress Holly Sampson, star of Suck It Dry 6 and Bare Breasted Bondage. Then it dawned on us – we’d seen those very same breasts just a few days before.
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WOMAN INJURED AT TIGER WOODS’ HOME
We’re receiving reports that a woman has been rushed to hospital from Tiger Woods’ Florida home. Details are sketchy at the moment, but what we do know is that firefighters responed to a medical emergency call early this morning which resulted in a blonde woman being carried out of the property on a stretcher and being transported to hospital in an ambulance.
Minutes after the patient arrived at the hospital, a black SUV similar to the one driven by Tiger arrived at the hospital.
Rumours are already flying around the internet about a potential domestic abuse incident, or alternatively a possible suicide attempt. As yet these rumours are completely unfounded.
Update: We’ve now had confirmation that the woman carried out of Tiger’s home was in fact his mother-in-law, Barbro Holmberg. Barbro collapsed after complaining of stomach pains and was taken to a local hospital, but has since been released.
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WE DOUBT IT!!
Mindy Lawton, a waitress at Tiger Woods’ local Perkins Diner in Orlando, is the latest young lady to claim an affair with the golfing superstar.
We’re sorry Mindy but based on this photo we’re just not buying it!!!
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JAMIE JUNGERS @ TRASHYGIRLS.COM
Jamie Jungers, a Las Vegas model, is reportedly the latest mistress to be shopping around the details of her 2 year affair with Tiger Woods. Jamie, perhaps the classiest mistress to date, is signed to the very prestigious TrashyGirls.com and is available for hire by clicking on the link.
Now in all fairness to Tiger we are not convinced he has the time to service three Las Vegas mistresses (unless he is a multi-tasker)?!! We are giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one until Ms Jungers provides us with some hard evidence!
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DOES ONE OF TIGER’S MISTRESSES FANCY A CAREER IN PORN?
There’s a rumour flying around the media industry that alleges one of the 3 women linked to Tiger Woods is shopping a sex tape to news outlets through a third party broker. Surely not!? If this is true the story just keeps getting better!
Which one could it be? Dumb question! Judging by what we know of these women it could quite easily be any one of them.
Who do you think it is? Vote below!
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THE 3 WOMEN LINKED TO TIGER (SO FAR)
It’s been difficult to keep up with Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses this week as so many are crawling out of the woodwork. To keep things simple we thought a short summary was in order.
Left: Rachel Uchitel. The woman who thought nothing of using her fiance’s death in 9/11 as a platform for launching her career as a celebrity socialite. Something of a celebrity bike, with links to Stephen Dorff, Ryan Seacrest and David Boreanz amongst others. Our guess is that this one has been ridden all over Hollywood.
Centre: Jaimee Grubbs. Nasty little famewhore that would sell her grandmother for two inches in a tabloid newspaper. Attempted to get famous via a reality TV show. Failed. Got her claws into Tiger and spent the next 2 years gathering evidence of their affair to later sell to the media, including the now infamous voicemail. First slept with him while his wife was pregnant – this is one classy chick.
Right: Kalika Moquin. Occupation – “party hostess”. Translation – slut. Claims that she met Tiger at the MGM Grand Hotel in Vegas on October 27th. Has admitted to Life & Style magazine that the pair “hooked up” on several occasions but so far has not confessed to sleeping with the billionaire golfer. We’re sure a full confession will be forthcoming within seconds of a six figure offer for her story.
What a fine bunch of young women – we really must commend Tiger on his impeccable taste! And to think he could have gone home to this…
Silly, silly man.
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TIGER WOODS CONFESSES… SORT OF
Tiger Woods appears to have finally confessed to the affairs he’s been accused of having. The record breaking golf champion issued the following statement:
“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.“
Sadly Tiger stops short of naming (and shaming) his whores mistresses.
More than being a golfer Tiger Woods is an international brand that helps generate billions of dollars in revenues from products as diverse as shaving foam to credit cards. We wonder what effect this confession will have on his brand. Probably very little given most of the products he endorses are aimed towards men, many of whom probably have a new respect for the cheating rat and his antics - Bro’s before Ho’s and all that!
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